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At first I was shocked, then I was mad, then I was curious, then I was actively involved in it, then I got apathetic, and now it's mostly just a fun story to tell at parties or when topics like this come up on forums.

My feelings toward him are very complicated. At surface level he's an evil asshole who violated my mother and family and hundreds of others, not to mention things like his neighborhood reputation or highly debated "kidnapping" conviction (very long story, she maybe was one of those "kidnapped herself" stories, but it's debated).

But deeper down, I wouldn't exist without him, in the sense of "I" as my identity and ego and DNA which, frankly, I wouldn't have any different. I'm happy with how my life has turned out and how I've grown to understand myself and the world and having this knowledge has only built upon that. My mother has forgiven him and like other commenters has loved me anyway this whole time thinking I was her husband's, but it doesn't change her view of me or him.

At another, weirder, impersonal level, I have somewhat of a sense of respect and awe in him for accomplishing a biological feat only possible in a short window of time and space that he figured out and exploited. It's weird to reflect on it from a purely objective biological big picture perspective.




Thank you for sharing your thoughts.




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