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XMPP is different from Matrix.

On Matrix practically everyone is matrix.org. The other public servers I tried are relatively slow and suffer hickups when joining rooms.

On XMPP, many people run servers in their companies, projects, or homes. Which are the "top 3-4 XMPP servers"? I probably do not even know them.

But you are right: XMPP is used mainly for IM, i.e. one-to-one dialogues or smaller, non-public chatrooms. I'm not aware of any huge, public chatrooms in XMPP, and for that I'm on IRC — via a gateway from XMPP called biboumi.

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