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Ask HN: I'm poor at explaining things, how can I fix that?
26 points by cx42net on Feb 25, 2019 | hide | past | favorite | 33 comments
Every time I try to explain something to someone, I go either too deep in details or uses wrong examples, leading them to be completely lost.

Today was the tipping when I was trying to explain some basic mathematics to my daughter, and managed to lost here, making her more confused than before.

The worst part is that I love sharing what I know. I want to share my knowledge with my children, sharing my passion with them, and this is a blow for me.

I, unfortunately, don't think I'm not the only one, and I hope that some of you managed to turn the ship around, found help and improved themselves.

If so, I would love to have your insights on it, and what can I do to be a better pedagogue.

Thank you.




I think this is something most people struggle with. In my personal opinion, when I find it hard to explain things it's often related to one of the following:

1. I honestly don't know it as well as I think. This is a hard pill to swallow, but most of the time it's the reason why we struggle to explain things in clear terms.

2. We are often conditioned to use terms that the audience doesn't fully understand. e.g., Industry terms.

3. I haven't given it enough thought before trying to explain it.

Find someone who is willing to listen to you speak. Hopefully they'll be patient enough to listen to you when you repeat yourself in different ways.

Lastly, I found that sometimes I struggle with trying to over explain things. There's a tipping point where you're audience is "comfortable" with what you explained, but once you go beyond that, it's like dragging them into deep waters.

Learn to be comfortable with not being fully "correct". Meaning, explain enough so they have a good idea of what you're saying. It's a starting point for the next thing they will need/want to know.


>1. I honestly don't know it as well as I think. This is a hard pill to swallow, but most of the time it's the reason why we struggle to explain things in clear terms.

This is extremely true. Students often fall into the trap that they know something just because they can follow along when a teacher is doing it. But following is not the same as understanding and learning.

>3. I haven't given it enough thought before trying to explain it.

I think this is one of the main reasons we have trouble with explanations. We understand the subject but that doesn't mean we can explain it in terms that newbies can understand. Some of the worst teachers are the experts that have been doing something for a long time. Once they understand something it's hard to see why everyone should not but they don't realize that they've gained much of their understanding over years.

Also, keep it simple. Reddit has the, "Explain it like I'm five" group so just follow that advice. Your subject will let you know if you are being too basic and you can adjust as needed.

My advice is to plan the explanation before you try it, minimize jargon, keep it simple and make sure you know what you are talking about.


I think you nailed it.

I do try to explain more in depth (too much). I'm working a lot on this and stop explaining when the main basis is covered, but my pragmatic approach forces me to cover ALL the parts.

I also agree with @WheelsAtLarge about that I might now know a subject as good as I think. When I start explaining something, I realize that I came short on explaining some parts because I lack the knowledge.

Thank you for your comment, it was helpful.


> Today was the tipping when I was trying to explain some basic mathematics to my daughter, and managed to lost here, making her more confused than before.

How many questions do you ask during your explanations?

I ask because it's very easy to get wrapped up in your own words, ignoring the blooming confusion in the person you're talking with.

You might try some experiments around asking questions. For example, when you give analogies about math you think your daughter would understand, ask her to explain it back to you - before you're done. Or - after a few sentences, ask her what she thinks will come next.

On the topic of actually explaining things, you might consider doing the "tap test" with your daughter.

Pick a song you're certain she'll be able to recognize, just from the rhythm you tap on a tabletop. Then tap it out. And watch in bewilderment as she has no idea what you're tapping.

Turn it around and ask her to tap a song she's certain you'll recognize. It's a lot of fun and a very good way to understand just how hard it can be to teach anything. Works great with any friend or family member as well.

To be explicit, the outcome of the tap test is surprising because as we tap, we're hearing the rest of the music in our own heads. But the other person can't, of course. That's what happens to a lot of people when they explain things. They hear the parts they're not actually saying, but the other person can't. Understanding this phenomenon is the first step to doing something about it.

You can read more about the tap test in the book "Made to Stick," which is about explaining things in general and is a great read.


Thank you for your advice.

I did asked a lot of question, at every step of the explanation, to ensure she was following, but when I tried to wrap it all, that's where I lost her.

I might also have tried to explain her something she's not ready to understand based on her school level, that might be a a part of why she didn't understood my explanation.


Can you get her to wrap it all? When teaching, it's often better to get them to draw the conclusion logically, and then have them explain by working an example with you.

I find that I learn as much or more by teaching than being taught. A good teacher, then, is one who gets the student to teach. Set the stage so the next step is obvious and have them make that leap.

I'm not an expert at it either, but that's what I've noticed from my favorite teachers.


I haven't done that, but I'll try next time to see how she explains it. That's a good idea, thanks!


I don’t think that there is a quick fix, but I have found the following useful;

1. Think in billboards (Construct your explanation in less than 16 words)

2. Increase your vocabulary. Try wordthink.com daily.

3. Hold off. Don’t speak just yet. Seek to compact your explanation.

4. Reframe it as an analogy or metaphor

5. Even if your audience isn’t a 5 year old, try to describe your idea in a way that they would understand.

Good luck!


> 1. Think in billboards (Construct your explanation in less than 16 words)

> 3. Hold off. Don’t speak just yet. Seek to compact your explanation.

These have always been the most important/challenging parts of explaining a topic for myself. If I am struggling, I'll take a few moments and ask myself three questions.

1. What am I trying to explain? (What is in-scope)

2. What am I not trying to explain? (What is out-of-scope? "We can come back to that later if you're interested")

3. How would they explain this topic to me? (What is the language the audience would use?)


Hi jakamau, I especially like your second question of "What am I not trying to explain?" This is good to think about because sometimes we pack too many things in our explanations, which may not only confuse the audience but may also dilute the point.

This reminds me of Michael Porter's note on strategy: "the essence of strategy is choosing what not to do."


Thank you for your advices. About wordthink.com, I'm French so it might not work for me, but I'll search for a French alternative, it might exists.

More globally, your advice of thinking shorter and waiting before speaking might be some key in helping me.

Thanks :)


> 2. Increase your vocabulary. Try wordthink.com daily.

My gut feeling is that having a bigger vocabulary doesn't necessarily help; your audience must also know the words in order for communication to happen.

What is the reasoning behind this suggestion?


Thank you. I'll try to think more in giving explanation under 16 words or less. Even if that doesn't work, it will be a nice exercice to follow :)


If you want to get better at explaining things, you have to explain things to yourself often. Either mentally, or by writing them down. Don't be satisfied with the first draft; refine the explanation. Also, read or listen to other people's explanations.

Perhaps the issue is you're too smart, and consequently don't work with explanations. You don't explain things to yourself, but just admit considerable increments of complexity as-is and understand it without having to reformulate it for your internal five-year-old. You don't bother with explanations from others; you get bored and prefer the raw facts. You snoozed in lectures and aced exams.

Explanations don't have to be accurate. Any simplification embodies a lie. It has to, because there is a difference between the simplification and the real subject.

Wittgenstein's Ladder and all that.

Engineers and scientists -- STEM people -- sometimes have a problem with telling technical lies in order to simplify something, in order to protect their "face". The trick is to introduce lies as such. "I'm slightly going to lie to you, but the gist of how it works is ...".


I tended to over-explain but I developed a few tricks that help me keep things simple. I follow this five-step process, especially when writing answers:

1. What is the question? Too often, I found I was speaking about the topic, but not actually answering the question.

2. Wait, what is the real question? I try to take a moment and think about the question and what information the asker is actually trying to get.

3. Did I answer the question? Or did I ramble about unrelated minutiae?

4. Did I answer the real question? Or will there need to be follow up questions because I didn't get to the heart of the answer?

5. Did I actually make sense?

---

Whenever I have to answer hard questions, I try to write down succinct answers in less than 3 sentences. This helps me practice getting to the point, rather than my natural rambling.


I had the same problem at work. My former manager recommended me to read about storytelling and especially “the pyramid principle” [1] by barbara minto. It helped me a lot in how to frame a message and make the message logically easiest to absorb.

[1] Barbara Minto - The Pyramid Principle


Hi domod, this is a good reference to bring up. It's a book used by many consulting folks. Some love the pyramid principle while others are put off by it.

Please note that there has been criticism raised in recent years about the pyramid principle. Some argue that it turns people's writing in "McKinsey" style, which could be even more confusing to the audience. For instance, Duff McDonald writes in his book, "The Firm", the details on Barbara Minto's text, "The Pyramid Principle". He offers a useful critique of writing things in that style.

Minto's book is useful to read, but just be aware of the criticism raised. This will help when you're thinking about your audience and hoping to explain things to them.


You are indeed not the first to mention this book. I'll see if I can grab a copy. Thanks.


Rehearse. Try to explain something, as if you were explaining it to someone else. (It doesn't have to be out loud - you can do the conversation in your head.) You can kind of tell that some parts don't work. Try again. And again. After several times, you find better ways to explain it.

Now go try it on a real person. At this step, it may work out differently than it did in your own head! Don't get discouraged by that. Keep trying.

You finally explained that in a way that someone understood? That's great! Take a moment to feel good about that. Then pick something else, and start rehearsing that.


Yep. I think I need to keep working on trying to explain things, finding alternative ways to be understood and find something that works.

Thanks :)


I try a simple practice technique before big presentations. Just sit in a room alone and record your voice as you present. That will help you see your communication errors, slows, bad sentences etc. Its just practice. I learned from working with some of the best presenters I know, they spent years working very hard before each presentation/discussion and that helps them get better. They make it all look magical but its just a lot of hard work behind their seamless flow of thought.


I have a young daughter, and I try to explain a lot to her.

I have found concrete examples she can relate to are the best.

For instance I was trying to explain the mental model of inversion.

I explained it using with the example of deciding what she wants to eat. If she is not sure, then lets list all the things she does not want to eat first. Then from that, it helps narrow in on what she does want to eat.


Before I got into tech, I worked as a full-time tutor with high school and middle school students for a few years. That was the best practice for improving my ability to explain things. I usually think about the meta-game of improving in roughly three different ways:

1. Explaining many things to many people: you really get good at thinking on your feet, reading how well different people understand things, and coming up with new ways of explaining things. It forces you to be flexible, and you can build a general framework for walking through something new.

2. Explaining many things to one person: you learn to see how that person learns. What kind of prior knowledge do they have, and how do they like to work through understanding something new? You can tailor your explanations to them, and since explaining requires a lot of active listening to make sure the person is with you, you can get much better at identifying when they're lost so you can circle back.

3. Explaining the same thing to many people: you hone your explanation skill for that one thing. Once you've explained the concept to multiple people, you can see what works and what doesn't work. You understand the sticking points, the easy parts, the analogies that work, and the ones that don't. Having multiple students working on the same concept at the same time would be great! I'd have to work harder for the first student, but by the end of the week I'd have it down pat.

For me, it came down to practice, repetition, and really knowing the material. Striking the balance between explaining and active listening for ~8 hours a day was a fantastic way to get better, and I don't think I'll ever forget how to walk someone through the tricky parts of AP Calculus. Now that I'm far from the tutoring world, I try to practice by writing and will try to keep that part of my brain active in the future through some sort of teaching.

I'd recommend practicing as much as you can. Keep practicing your explanations and active listening with your daughter. As another user said, make sure you know the material. Walk through it yourself, and try a dry run of explaining some math. I recommend explaining to a pet, which is the equivalent of rubber duck debugging. You won't get the feedback, but you'll be able to think it through first, which absolutely helps. Writing also doesn't offer you a similar feedback loop, but it does force you to walk through your thoughts and identify any missing parts of your own understanding.

Disclaimer: I mostly worked 1:1 with students. Managing an entire classroom is an entirely different beast!


As others said, "really knowing the material" is one of the important things that can cause confusion.

Practicing is also important, but for that, I need people that are willing to listen to me struggle.

Thank you for your help.


If you are able to put yourself in the shoes of the people to whom you are explaining something, the rest will follow. Consider what they already know and how you can bring them to your point by starting with something familiar and known.

If you have that point covered, the rest is "thinking clearly" and "expressing oneself clearly". These require practice as much as placing yourself in the shoes of the audience.


I have the faculty to feel what others feels, and that's worse in my case. I feel when I lose them, which make me start to want to explain more, which in turn worsen the situation.

Maybe in that case I should try to stop that feeling and go with my initial idea ... while keeping in mind whom I'm adressing to (like you say in your comment)


One aspect of placing yourself in their shoes is to feel how they feel. Another aspect is to see what they understand from what you are trying to explain. This requires a different kind of skill - of trying to see things from the perspective of different context, culture, skill, knowledge or language (do these words mean the same things for them?). It is this aspect that I had in mind and from your answer I get the impression that you meant the former instead.


One thing might be to start by describing things at a less detailed level, perhaps focusing on why something is interesting, or a personal story like how you learned about this thing, or something else that lets you share your enthusiasm without getting bogged down in fully teaching the thing. Hopefully this can be done in a way that sparks the curiosity that will let you proceed to more engaged discussion.


Yep. I need to work on filtering what I'm explaining, keeping the simple things at first, then increasing the difficulty if asked.

That's a challenge in itself :)


I'm sorry, I don't quite understand what the issue is. Could you maybe rephrase it more directly, without so much details and confusing examples?


Ahahahah ... oh wait, are you serious? ;)


Try explaining hard things to kids. That's the best way to understand how to teach.


Write.

Listen.




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