Now that my parents have gotten older, I've noticed that my father is becoming more and more bitter and resentful over how his life turned out, while my mother is becoming more and more at peace with how things have turned out. My father never quite hit his high ambitions, and I can tell that it eats away at him constantly throughout the day. My mother, on the other hand, seems very content with the life she is living.
The study in contrasts is interesting to me, and I think there is something to be learned from both schools of thought. As with most things in life, the optimal path seems to be the middle way. My mother has a very good job and part of that is due to my father encouraging her and pushing her to step outside of her comfort zone and go back to school in her late age. Similarly, my father seems to be (very slowly) mellowing out a little in his late age due to my mother helping him come to terms with how things turned out. Still, there is a lot of bitterness and envy and resentment within him, and it's hard to watch. My mother seems far more well-adjusted now, in comparison.
At the end of the day I think that is what matters most--your relationship to your life. When you strip away all the external things, everything eventually comes down to your thoughts and your mindset and how you think about things. That was the vibe I got from reading this essay, that ultimately things come down to how we reframe things, and that might be the most important "skill" / practice to cultivate.
Never thought of it this way. An extremely humbling, optimistic and heart-warming read.
> Gotta have opposites, light and dark and dark and light, in painting. It’s like in life. Gotta have a little sadness once in awhile so you know when the good times come. I'm waiting on the good times now.
I'm not a Christian, but between Bob Ross and Fred Rogers, PBS really exhibited the best face of Christianity as a life philosophy.
But there is embrace of "negative" emotions like sorrow in passages like Ecclesiastes 3, John 11, and Romans 12.
This makes me wonder how much teenage/adulthood is a layer of stress onto our brains. A very high load of impatience and craving for intensity that clouds a lot of things and even hooks many of us (refusing to quit this chase and to ~settle). And then as it fades off, you get back to childlike perception of the world (and when bad times people do regress a bit chaotically in that state partly)
However, your comment could be actionable in a number of ways, for example:
1. "You should embrace the intensity to make sure you reproduce."
2. "You should understand the source of that intensity as something that might oppose your goal of happiness."
3. "You should accept the biological inevitability of that intensity."
I'm partial to number 2. Even if the calculus of reproduction is straight forward, how that should inform your life choices is not.
So it’s basically saying that having a high sex drive leads young people to reproduce. Okay.
But if you mean low CNS arousal generally then I completely disagree, someone that pushes to 100% will out compete you if you never breach 50% assuming equal ability. If you and I both have the same capacity for strength but you are an intense person and I am not you will be the stronger one in the short and long term. Same goes for the intelligence question as well.
However modern society short circuits part this general behavior though and all bets are off though I still think it holds true. It is often not the best political or business idea that wins, it is the one someone is willing to push through. Human relationships are similar, an activation energy must be reached in order for mating to happen and someone with a higher intensity is more likely to reach that activation energy more often.
I think the concept was that someone overly driven might overshoot the ‘activation energy’. However, this conversation has grown insane in the mixture of vagueness and specificity.
People can write the "Joy of Being in Prison", the "Joy of Being Homeless", the "Joy of Impotence", the "Joy of Losing Your Limbs", etc. But is that really joy or rationalizations?
I'm failing to see what the point of the article really is and also, what is "news" worthy about this?
> Please don't post shallow dismissals, especially of other people's work. A good critical comment teaches us something.
That said, what the OP calls "rationalization" could just as well be "perspective".
The last part about being newsworthy was likely unneeded, though.
It's more like the difference between learning to play Greensleeves on a trombone for the first time, and giving jazz solos. When you're young in life your sense of expertise comes from not being aware of your ignorance, and when you're old in life your sense of expertise comes from knowing just how far you've come. There's a joy in this that's separate from the joy of being young and having your whole life ahead of you, and it's not at all a form of resignation.
"Joy of Being a (Human) In Their 70s"
Very little is relevant to gender, at all.
I call bullshit. People spend Billions to become more attractive, and rarely anything to become less attractive.
If these women would have suffered so much from the "male gaze", they could have taken steps to look as unattractive as possible way earlier than in their 70ies.
I understand wearing makeup (for example) is an external thing meant for other people to see, but it's reckless and illogical to go down the path of assuming who the makeup is for and why it's worn. It's also unfair to say they should or could have taken steps to change themselves in order to solve a problem
unfairly imposed upon them by other people.
If a farmer has problems with raccoons eating their crops, would you ever suggest they should simply destroy their crop fields to make the land less appealing to raccoons?
but worrying about looks is not?
> we feel free from the tyranny of worrying about our looks. For the first time since we were 10, we can feel relaxed about our appearance.
Social pressure is so strong! I don't know if you are a woman or not but from my perspective (as a woman) I am truly grateful for each year I live, as I become less and less worried about my appearance in detail, and more about the expression on my face and my body language - how happy and welcoming I look when I greet people. This knowledge wasn't obvious as a young woman.
Through, I do care also less about how I look, through I am trying to force myself to care bit more.
Being male is now a disease.
But I do get to hide much of my sagging face under a beard. And in my case, it's a totally untrimmed beard (but clean and well brushed). I can pass for old hippie or Duck Dynasty, with just a little tweaking of clothes and language style.
And there's another aspect. I'm also "free from the tyranny of worrying about" what employers and clients think of my looks. Because, for the most part, I don't have or need any. And for the few clients I do have, I'm just some ~anonymous guy who does stuff for Bitcoin.
Why do you do this? Have you experienced discrimination due to your looks?
When I was young and stupid, I was very careless. I didn't keep my teeth clean. And I smoked hand-rolled cigarettes (unfiltered) using a tasty but extremely tarry Turkish/Virginia blend (Balkan Sobranie).
Anyway, after I finally quit the tobacco habit, I gained considerable weight, going from 68kg to 91kg over perhaps 3-4 years. And then I became a total workaholic, with no time for exercise. So I stayed at ~90kg for maybe two decades.
Over the past few years, I've been gradually doing more and more weight training and aerobic exercise. So I'm down to ~79kg, with a relatively low fat to muscle ratio. And I've been thinking about getting back into whitewater kayaking. It'd be a rush. And from my experience with hypothermia and near-drowning, it'd be a great way to die.
But anyway, given that I've lost lots of fat, and gained lots of muscle, my skin is a few sizes too big. And it shows little sign of shrinkage. I can deal with the flaps on my gut, arms and legs. But my face, you know, is just too much in my face :(
And we were talking about "pressure to be attractive". What form does that take. What happens to you if you are unattractive?
I guess that is appropriate for large open plan zoos.
I don't think worrying about it is exactly a choice, when how I look will have real-life effects on how I'm treated.