Hi HN!
So recently I applied for a software engineering role at a startup. A week and a bit ago I had an interview where they and I chatted for a bit and got to know each other a little, which I thought went swimmingly. Yesterday however, was my technical screen. I was confident but nervous beforehand, but when it started that's when my mind froze, I couldn't think at all and I was just a bumbling mess. It was by no means a difficult problem and almost immediately afterwards and when the pressure was gone the solution became obvious to me, but by then I knew it was too late to change anything.
Stuff like this happens to me all the time. Not every time I'm being judged in person, but every time I'm being judged where I need to think and I _need_ to succeed and I'm not in a position of power. I just get so much anxiety and my mind completely shuts down. It has caused me to fail things I shouldn't have. Not only technical interviews, but e.g. my first driving test I just freaked out and so couldn't pass it. Examinations at school I am fine as I don't have another person in front of me judging me.
The software engineering job I am currently at is a consultancy agency, but probably the only reason why I was offered it a few years ago was because I didn't have to do a technical interview. If I had, I probably would have failed that too.
I couldn't sleep at all last night, the night after the interview. And the email I was dreading I received this morning. As soon as I saw the rejection I just burst out crying uncontrollably. It took me an hour to regain my composure to send a reply email thanking them for their time and wishing them success. I broke down not so much because I failed, but because of _why_ I failed. Even now, hours after the fact, I am still quite shaken.
I was wondering if you or others in this community have experienced something similar, and what steps you have taken to remedy it?
Thank you all so much in advance!
Jess :-)