If you’ve spent years doing this stuff and training a classifier is an insurmountable obstacle, you should consider changing your field of work.
I imagine another line will be "it's marginally better than statistical human shooting, according to three studies!"
And then in the 'big house' people will refer to you as "Butterstats" or something. Because you were screaming "marginally better" the first night they left you in your cell.
Yo, butter stats, how's your appeal going?