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Ask HN: What is some advice that has made your life better?
22 points by HiroshiSan 11 months ago | hide | past | web | favorite | 25 comments



It helped me a lot to fully internalize the reality that every person is truly doing the best they can, given the genetics and environment they were dealt by the universe.

There's no reason to feel hatred towards any person for being flawed. This applies to yourself when you eat too many donuts as much as it applies to a serial killer that tortures people. It simply doesn't make sense to feel loathing for anyone. Pity is the rational response towards the flaws of humans.

This doesn't mean people can't be improved to a large extent with an improved environment. This definitely works, which is why some self-help books work for some people or why joining the military can help some people improve themselves.

This realization also focuses your efforts on the environment (food, sleep, exercise, books, etc) which is another great aspect of it. Knowing that the way to improve a person is through environment removes the shame of failure. The answer is always to improve the environment and never to blame the person for not being better than they are genetically. Blame the environment for not being good enough to help the person, and then improve the environment until it is.


Treat yourself like you would treat someone you really love.

Something like that, it's part of Louise Hay's How To Love Yourself, a one-page list of things. Also I learnt from Effortless Mastery (about piano playing) to stop all the negative self-talk! Which I used to do a lot. Saying awful, cruel, mean, self-defeating things to myself that I'd never say to someone else. Being kind and patient with myself. I guess I had to learn that while it's great trying to being kind to everyone--you yourself are one of those people. That also helped overcome the very low self-esteem I'd been bullied into at school and at home. And helped with happiness in life. :-D


Does this really help? I'm being very self-critical and way demanding towards myself - on a level I would never require from anyone else. But I feel that's the only way to really push forward and improve myself instead of stagnating into the feeling of comfort.


Does stopping saying awful, cruel, mean, self-defeating things to oneself help? To ask that is to answer it. Sure, I don't mean never to self-criticize. That's how u get better. In Effortless Mastery, he says--when you rehearse/practise, then's the time for ruthless self-criticism etc.--but on the gig, never. I used to, while playing gigs, often be thinking "Oh yuk! Oh that sux. Oh no. Oh god Im so awful" constantly etc ..beating myself up, so it sounded awful. Since then I totally stopped doing that; I just enjoy myself and let the music flow. It's hard to believe I used to be so self-destructive. It's so easy to be so mean to ourselves in a way we never would be with other people. Maybe you didn't grow up with that problem. It's part of what 'loving yourself' means, which I definitely had to learn, in my twenties.


Thank you for this. I'm trying to do something similar with myself. I've realized that stress and negative self talk is very counter productive to learning new things.


For someone who hated routines and felt trapped. The simple advice that schedules are my friend and I should schedule my day in a way that would make me happy when I go to bed. Been doing this for 2 months now. Never been more productive or happier.


There are two pieces of advice I never forgot:

The first one isn't actually an advice but a friend once told me this: "We start dying when we stop being a child."

There are many things behind that advice. When we're kids we're always curious, we ask questions, we seek answers, we don't care about making mistakes, we're spontaneous, etc. I could list dozens of things. At some point in life, we stop doing those things. We stop being a kid. We stop having all those dreams we once had. That's when we begin to slowly die. In this world of grow ups fighting each other because of stupid things, I'm always trying to remind me myself to never stop being a child.

The second one is related to the Nonviolent Communication approach by Marshall Rosenberg. There's always a big difference between what someone tells us and what we understand. Most of the time we implicitly make a judgment about others' actions and that judgment is just something from our mind. Many times we get offended (or upset) by something we don't realize the other person had no intentions whatsoever to offend or upset us. In the end, it's actually an exercise of empathy: if something is upsetting or offending you, figure out why before engaging in a useless fight with someone else.


Never do business with someone you don't trust.


Don't drink beer or coke while eating fondue.


Do it. Just don't do it. But do it anyway.


When you are buying a house and you know 100% know it’s the right one. Don’t worry about it, there will be another one.


You can learn something from everyone.


'If you don't move forward - you begin to move backward' - my mother was telling me this often and I completely agree with this.

Embrace the change, learn new skills, get new experiences. Do not settle.


You are not your thoughts. Took me 45 years to fully understand it.


"Nobody really knows what they're doing. Some are just better at pretending like they do." Kumail Nanjiani

Don't care too much what others think


Never believe random advice from the internet.


Don't work on weekends.


Low carb,high fat, mod protein diet

Stoicism

Memento Mori


Get enough sleep


Don't panic


Don't expect too much.


_feelings are an illusion_


Can you expand on this one?


Charge more


Work hard.

Be strong.

Don’t complain.




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