Hacker News new | comments | show | ask | jobs | submit login

Flirting is always an exercise in plausible deniability. You do something legitimately (or plausibly) platonic, while working out what the other person wants. If you forbid anything that might look flirty, by definition you forbid a bunch of legit platonic behaviour. This is not a reasonable demand. This is why people push back so hard against such demands, using terms like "victim-blaming".

The problem with both of these points is the same:

> Most date rape or college campus rapes involve alcohol. But ... People act like advocating sobriety is some sort of evil impingement on a college girl's right to have fun.

If your college's social life is based heavily around alcohol, then yes, this drastically impacts your life. You are asking people (let's be clear: women) to self-ostracise if they want to be safe. (Is this a healthy culture? No. You should be able to socialise without drinking. But if you come from a healthier culture, it's easy to miss how much you're asking. "Just say sober" might be low-cost advice for you; not so much for the typical college kid who wants to fit in.)


> Regardless of your gender, if you want to keep it clear that this is a business relationship, drinks alone in a private setting with a member of the opposite sex is a bad policy.

Again, you're asking someone to voluntarily abandon a form of networking, in an industry that is critically dependent on networks.

(Is this a healthy culture? Ehh...maybe? I'd be very sad if you told me I couldn't have a drink with my workmates/friends-from-work - but that's part of how we build our networks.)


And all of this ignores that this victim didn't even do the things you're advising against! This incident happened after a party where several others were present. The "private setting" happened to her.

Guidelines | FAQ | Support | API | Security | Lists | Bookmarklet | Legal | Apply to YC | Contact