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RIP Apple MacBook (sheep.horse)
61 points by Keverw on Nov 18, 2016 | hide | past | favorite | 66 comments



Wow, sheep.horse is my site. I never expected it to reach hackernews.

I wrote "RIP Apple MacBook" in reaction to the barrage of over-the-top criticism bandied around in the wake of the MacBook Pro announcement. A lot of the complaints seemed ridiculous to me, I wrote this piece as my attempt at Swiftian satire.

For the record:

* replacing function keys with the touch bar is a great idea, a real step forward in usability

* MagSafe is a great loss but possibly made up for with standard charging ports

* No HDMI or SD port, at worst a minor inconvenience

* Thinner and lighter - I travel with a 2013 MacBook Pro everyday, there is no such thing as too light.

I am not in the market for a new laptop but the new MacBook would meet all my needs perfectly. Expensive though.


Warning: this is satire. (I know a lot of you have difficulty with the concept.)


Wait, so you're telling me that screenshot with 9 escape buttons might be some sort of joke? Sir I'll have no part in this wild caper.


Oh... I totally didn't realize it was satire. But I figured it was a interesting read and I had my own thoughts that I haven't shared from following the news about the new MBPs.

I thought the whole esc and esc button over and over again didn't make sense to me but I don't use Vi. So I just figured I didn't understand and skipped over that part.


Haha yes, it is shocking to see all the people taking this so seriously. If I am not mistaking there is still a version without the touchbar right? What is the big deal?


The version without the touchbar still requires a bagfull of adapters (which clearly nullify any size benefits), and has no magsafe.


Only the 13" model and it also has way inferior specs. They're clearly phasing out function keys on the pro line.


> Gone is the fantastically useful SD Slot enabled the people who still use discrete cameras to occasionally transfer photos.

This is the only thing the author really didn't get: the SD slot is for Raspberry PI.


And professional (or hobby) photographers!


Top-end 'pro' DSLRs primarily use CFast cards with SD only as a backup or omitted entirely.


That's like saying the CD drive is for boot discs.


Randomly found this article, so shared since it's relatable. I find it a bit crazy the new MacBooks cost more and require a $15 adaptor for many basic things...

I get that tech changes over time but seems crazy how fast ports keep changing and having to reinvest in buying all new things to work with it or adaptors if whatever you buy doesn't natively support the newer stuff.

Then on top of that Apple solders everything. So no ram or storage upgrades after your purchase. Seems like they are try to turn the Mac into just another iPad.

iPad is cool but more content consuming. I feel like there pro products are starting to lack.

Then ram is limited to 16GB. More than enough for most of the population. But be super useful for devs running multiple VMs testing things. Idk I like macOS a lot, so it breaks my heart a little bit that it seems like the Mac is being turned into just another client.


> How ever will we maintain our 18000 lines of code per day average in vi now? The situation is intolerable.

It sounds a lot like satire to me.

I think the new MBPs are a great step forward. Four ports that can drive an amazing amount of things with ease. This makes these machines much more flexible than anything that came before it.

Touchbar seems like the logical first iteration in the future of keyboards.


Professionals don't usually look down at their keyboards.

I also use my laptop for videogames, and I'd hate to have to pause and look down to find F4/F5 instead of using touch typing (ironically named, nowadays).


I think the post you shared is making fun of you..


The 16GB limitation is very understandable: Skylake not supporting LPDDR4, how many times this should be repeated?


Doesn't change the fact that people who want more RAM can't get it.

There are many people (including me) who don't care much about battery runtime. I mean seriously, a longer battery runtime than a typical work day? How many people work all day without access to a power socket?

If Apple wouldn't have waited so long and made an interim update, there would maybe not be so much gnashing of teeth. If you buy a MBP now, it will probably be good for another 4 years and you can't justify buying a new one with better CPU and RAM specs which might come out in 1 or 2 years.


> If you buy a MBP now, it will probably be good for another 4 years and you can't justify buying a new one with better CPU and RAM specs which might come out in 1 or 2 years.

Great to see that their longevity now counts against them.


The author is using satire.

He's being sarcastic towards those who make fun of the new Macbooks.


Yeah, I didn't realize it was satire at first. But the whole upgradability thing seems super annoying. Planned obsolescence is what some call it.

My 2012 MacBook Pro was crashing a lot and running really slow. I upgraded the ram and popped in an SSD and it runs like a brand new machine. Maybe even on par with the brand new MacBooks speeds.

Oh and then the battery is glued in too. I had to replace my battery too as it was expanding. Ordered the part of Amazon, unscrewed it, put the new one in. Easy. New Machines not so much.

Apple acts like they care about the environment, but the newer machines seem less modular and less repairable. So sounds like more stuff for the landfill.

But otherwise, that new touch bar does look pretty cool. I bearly even touch the F keys and have it defaulted to being used for media controls, brightness, etc. I like how the F buttons are still accessible on the touch bar in case you ever need them too. So I'd give them credit for that at least.


I wouldn't mind a lack of upgradability on laptops if it meant much greater upgradability on desktops. It's at least semi-justifiable this way - consumer laptops that get replaced every few years, that are as light, slim, and gorgeous as possible, and professional desktops that can be upgraded every year, that can take up reasonable amounts of space because space is less of a premium when you're never moving something about.


I feel like you may not have read it very carefully...


It was really good up until the end.

"I am throwing out my 3 year old MacBook and will be buying a Inspiron forthwith."

He's implying that all other laptops are a joke, however the Dell XPS 13 and HP Spectre both comparable to the Macbook Pro in features, styling, weight, etc.


Except in OS. The new Windows 10 is ....


The OS is a matter of taste. After 8 years of Linux and macOS I switched to Windows 10 and I find it great so far.


You don't have issues of force upgrade, reboot every week?

All of my linux desktops/servers have system uptime measures in months and few in years.


Hard to forget to upgrade?


Good riddance to function keys. They're slowly being pushed out of reach on many computers but my fairly new PC laptop still has sysrq and break keys. That's pretty objectionable.


If you're referring to the 'Fn' functionality, I totally agree - I'm not even sure what any of those are used for on OSX. If you're referring to the keys themselves, which control things like volume, media playback, and brightness, as well as offering a very convenient shortcut to the Launchpad (which I personally use frequently), I find them incredibly useful.

I can see some uses for contextual keys, but I can also imagine some pretty annoying inconveniences with this implementation. For example, if I'm in an application that 'takes over' the function keys, is it possible to still access media playback controls? Do I have to switch to whichever app is currently playing audio to access them? Is it possible to disable the contextual keys altogether and have a static, traditional set? Or is there a hotkey to toggle between app-specific and 'global' function keys?


As best as I can tell. While playing audio an icon comes up you can tap to open up audio controls.


Good thing about a 2013 MBA, is that I can run software from the nineties (I've actually been playing Diablo II lately). Removing function keys breaks compatibility with that.

Sure, you can configure the touchbar, but have you tried working/playing while having to look down at a keyboard?


Diablo II is the greatest.

Not sure why you need function keys to play it though.


To switch between skills. They're the default keybindings.


My entire multiple desktop setup relies on function keys :(


I never know which one I need anyway. A context sensitive touch bar may actually be a good idea once software starts to support it.


Unsure if satire or not as most of the points made are perfectly valid.


(Complete tangent, but isn't that a beautiful domain name?

How does one go about getting arbitrary names like this these days?


It's one of the many new top level domains (.ninja anyone? . vodka?). Any decent registrar will register one for you. I can recommend iwantmyname.com, but there's plenty of others. They have a list here: https://iwantmyname.com/domains/new-gtld-domain-extensions


From a domain name registrar.


> Gone is the wonderful HDMI port that enabled you to display several screen modes, none of which matched the native display

Replacing the port hasn't solved that problem, though. A very common port that people struggled to configure has been replaced with an uncommon port that people struggle to configure.


A now uncommon port.


A port that is unlikely to be common for the expected lifetime of this machine. I very much approve of adding USB-C ports, but I think the removal of HDMI happened too quickly. If, in three years time, most TVs and monitors have USB-C ports that's one thing. I suspect that what we'll actually see is a large number of dongles for years to come.


I dont' buy that. A serious VIM user will have <CapsLock> mapped to <Esc> anyway.


I'm pretty sure this is satire ...


The one thing I will give the new MBP is losing the function keys.

That its not faster nor better than the old MBP I already have is why I won't be buying one though.


How ever will we maintain our 18000 lines of code per day average in vi now? The situation is intolerable

Oh, I dunno, by pressing Ctrl + [ instead?


Yeah, that's as easy, quick, and memorable as pressing ESC.

I realise there are alternatives - I personally have caps lock mapped to escape, but I'm yet to get into the habit of using it - but that's not really the point. The point is that ESC is in common use, probably enough use to justify a real physical key on the keyboard, unless there is a reason to remove it.


It's a joke.


Perhaps you should try that on a French keyboard for example. Ctrl + Alt Gr + ( on the top row instead of just banging Esc


Extremely fast laptop? Did Apple GHz and Apple GFlops gain in value when I wasn't paying attention?


GHz is only the clock speed, and only one of the factors related to processing speed. So it is entirely possible that they gained value. GFlops is processing power, though.


Whoosh


control + left square bracket


I know this is satire, but I really don't get the snark. All the claims are pretty valid imo. Satire or not, but having 15$ adapters for EVERYTHING simply cannot be seen as anything else than a massive fail and nuissance. HDMI is one of the features I use most on my MBP and tbh I would probably have to buy a new HDMI adapter every other month because I would likely loose it on a regular basis.

So all in all I actually agree with everything stated in this article, despite the obvious snarky and satirical tone. Pretty sure that apple is going to kill their laptop game with this MBP bullshit move.


Apple won't kill it, it'll just become geared towards consumers rather than professionals as Apple has been doing for years with everything they make. Disposable unupgradeable MacBook Pros are just the latest step. There's far more money to be made from average consumers.


But we're heading towards a future where Thunderbolt 3/USB-C can do everything. It's like complaining about HDMI replacing VGA, or USB A replacing an inbuilt CD drive.


Yeah, but why not wait till the day where accessories are actually sold with a USB-C to kill off the alternatives? Why not start out with just a few USB-C ports in 2016, and then when the market is matured enough, you kill off the unused ports?

The only way this move makes sense is in the scheme of apples 'proprietary lock in' strategy where they try to force the user to stay in the apple eco system with bullshit like this.


How is there lock-in? Every new PC sold has USB-C as well.


You don't think that there is even the slightest chance that the decision to use FB3 / USB-C is based on the fact that consumers would have to replace their entire collection of USB accesories?


No , I don't. Nobody would pay 200$ for a new external SSD just to avoid the adaptor. For anything with a cable, you can also just replace the cable.

And, most importantly: Apple barely makes any money from the sale of peripherals. Their own products have mostly moved to bluetooth anyway.

I can understand people who don't like the switch, although I tend to disagree. But the idea that they have a profit motive in doing so I find absurd.

I've also seen it all play out before:

"I'm a professional, I need a floppy drive!", "Amateurs may be ok without a CD-drive, but I'm a professional", "They're just trying to push their WLAN base stations, it'll never catch on. Professionals like me need a real network".


> Apple barely makes any money from the sale of peripherals.

Well that is going to change now, since everyone and their mom now needs a few extra USB adapters + USB SD card reader + HDMI adapters etc.

> "I'm a professional, I need a floppy drive!", "Amateurs may be ok without a CD-drive, but I'm a professional", "They're just trying to push their WLAN base stations, it'll never catch on. Professionals like me need a real network"

You don't think that having to use an adapter for something as generic as a USB thumb drive will kind of be an obstacle in the day to day business of the casual user?


That may be the case but when I rock up to clients offices they have VGA or HDMI for me to plug into.

The the removal of useful fn keys is the future why do we still have CAPS LOCK key?

Apple could have eased the transition, say include a Thunderbolt 2 port so we didn't need to replace all adapters immediately.

But no that's not Apple's way 'cos they know best…


caps lock is like the joker in a deck of cards. We need it so we can remap it to ESC (the ace of spades of keys).


It's not $15 adapters for everything. The HDMI one is $49.


Others are 8$, they recently put them on sale to counter the conspiracy theory that they care about the money from adaptors.


i'm sure apple has done enough user testing to know that the touchbar will be an improvement over the existing keys.

I'd like to try it out first (if they ever actually ship em to the store) before I purchase.

That being said, the $1800 price point is BS. and so is the touchbar-less starting at $1500 for $600 internals. tim cook is being an asshole here. people will still buy it though (me too, but only because I need a new machine)




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