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>"I have lost the ability to tell if and what I want anything from life."

Read Robert A. Johnson's http://www.amazon.com/Transformation-Understanding-Levels-Ma...

From the Amazon.com description: "Using quintessential figures from classical literature--Don Quixote, Hamlet, and Faust--Robert Johnson shows us three clearly defined stages of consciousness development. He demonstrates how the true work of maturity is to grow through these levels to the self-realized state of completion and harmony.

In Johnson's view, we all reach the stages depicted by Don Quixote, Hamlet, and Faust at various times of our lives. The three represent levels of consciousness within us, each vying for dominance. Don Quixote portrays the innocent child, while Hamlet stands for our self-conscious need to act and feel in control though we have no real connection to our inner selves. Faust embodies the master of the true self, who has gained awareness by working through the stages."

Then read http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/...

The coolest thing about being at this point in life is that: the greatest texts human kind has produced actually make sense now. The bad part is that it can be a lonely place to be: to realize everything everyone else seems to care about obviously doesn't matter (on the grand scheme of things). Being the only person you know that sees this can be hard. But if you make it to self actualization it supposedly is very much worth the negative your feeling now.

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