|I work at one of the "Big 4" tech companies and haven't been satisfied for a while. Did an interview with another "Big 4" company and failed hard.|
I've been feeling extremely anxious about work. I don't feel well in my current team because everyone is smarter than me and I think no one likes me (people forget to invite me to meetings, I'm not invited to outside events, etc.). Every pull request I submit gets a load of criticism. I don't feel valuable to the team.
The first thing I thought is that my attitude is bad. But this can't be - I've heard from multiple people that I'm the nicest and most patient person they've ever met. In fact, my manager has criticized me more than once for being "too nice" i.e. that I should stand my ground more, or push people for things I depend on from them.
I wanted to jump ship and find an opportunity I might feel more passionate about. Found said opportunity but failed hard in most of the interview puzzles.
I'm feeling lost. I feel that 1) I'll be forever with the current company and 2) if I'm ever laid off, I'll never get a job again because I can't solve the puzzles.
Interview puzzles are so hit-or-miss. No matter how many of them I solve, I always stutter when I'm faced with a new one. If the problem is new, it either "clicks" right away or I bomb the interview. No middle ground.
My thoughts are descending into the darkest reaches. Death doesn't seem so bad anymore. Then I don't have to think about all this.
I don't know where I went wrong. I used to be intelligent. I used to be liked by my teams. I used to be good at puzzles.
Now I'm dumb and worthless.
I don't have the option to stop working for a while. I have the savings for it, but it's unacceptable to my wife.
I don't know what to do.