Hacker News new | comments | show | ask | jobs | submit login

I've been through this three times in my life, each time it hits me harder and harder, I'm going through it again right now in fact, my story could read almost identically to this one. I often wonder if it's the crux of ambition.

I'm not one for self help books or any of that bullshit, however, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell is an excellent read on this subject.

Finding your purpose is hard, really really hard, I firmly believe some never really do.

While I don't intend to be rude, not sure how else I could say this -- you're not ruining other people's lives all three times right? There are a lot of I's and my's in your comment which makes me wonder how much empathy you're employing...

Also, have you tried to stop? Has it occurred 3 times unintentionally and this article was the impetus you needed to make a change?

[EDIT] - lightened wording around the last few questions, comments have noted that I was being too coarse, and ironically unempathetic

> makes me wonder how much empathy you're employing... Also, do you... want to stop? Has it occurred 3 time unintentionally and you just can't stop?

You really don't see the irony in questioning his capacity for empathy while minimizing his hardships and suggesting they're likely all his fault?

Are any of the answers to those questions obvious upon reading the original comment? I asked because those points weren't clear when reading the original comment -- he notes it like it's a terrible thing but I was wondering how it could happen 3 times, when OP had it happen once and had so many undesirable things happen.

I must confess I haven't had something like this happen to me at this level, so maybe my capability of empathy is diminished, but the questions do not imply that it's entirely/likely his/her fault, outside of the fact that you generally can't get into a situation like this without some action on your part. This is precisely why OP is trying to take steps to change his behavior.

Maybe what I should have asked was: "Care to share more?" Without the pointed questions.

I'm sorry, tone is difficult over the internet I suppose. I presume you read my post as if I was whining, I genuinely wasn't. I've considered it many many times. Sometimes I think I should go work at a convenience store and just pick a simpler journey.

However, It's mostly positive, as I'm sure Jesse is finding out. I wouldn't trade anything, it's just hard, and that's that. Humbling, really. It's feeling like you've failed yet you've not begun.

I had the privilege of talking with Sean O'Sullivan for an hour or so recently, he coined the term we use today as "cloud". I explained how I felt, and my situation (as mentioned, similar to Jesse). He made a pointed observation about success. Often with success comes great failure, and it's in the failures that we have the learnings, that lead to success. I wrote a little about learning by doing: https://medium.com/love-etc/small-talk-795a6bc9b615#.kc8kopb... - Learning by doing requires failure. Recently, someone who I'll love eternally shut me out of their life because I prioritized my work over them for months and months and months, I didn't listen, I didn't act, but I did learn.

Frankly it seems most of us are not particularly vocal about our failings, maybe some of us are perfect.

All of the times I've failed it's been because of me, and every time I fail, I learn more about what it means to be: me.

It certainly is -- it's my fault, I should have phrased it better with that in mind.

Thanks a lot for the thoughtful reply -- wish you the best! As you've put it, it's certainly a journey (no way, don't pick a simpler one!), and it looks like you're ready to be in it for the long haul. 100% agree on your thoughts about success/failure and found your thoughts on smalltalk/education/love interesting.

I have a brother who is trying to learn programming and I wish I could infuse him with the spirit you've learned (I'm sure the hard way) to have. If only there was some way to consistently teach tenacity.

Thank you for your kindness. <3

Guidelines | FAQ | Support | API | Security | Lists | Bookmarklet | DMCA | Apply to YC | Contact