What the heck ... there are some bad ideas in there.
#3 - The people worth being social with are those who are themselves (to the extent anyone is fully themselves), so if you merely play a character it will not help you form any interesting relationships (which is why we socialize, right?).
Indeed, the "you" part must be served at the correct dosage, but don't just act like whatever others expect you to.
#4 - Indeed, before you say anything make sure you listen a lot, rather keep your mouth shut and get a view of what people are talking about and their stances. But, when you finally say something, make sure its never superficial but relevant and stuff that intrigue the others. Asking deep questions regarding something is the best way of showing an interest. If its too boring a conversation, listen for a while and move on - not your crowd.
#6 - Agreed, don't be too pedantic, but if that's your flaw no one will dislike you that much for it - and if they do, screw'em. I'm too pedantic, and some people hate it so i try to tone it down, but I believe in being yourself so it sometimes comes out either way.
#9 - Someone will ask of your job, and when you answer "IT" they will 90% of the time ask you to explain further, unless they already view you as completely uninteresting, at which point nothing matters really. I have tried to explain to some extent what i do as a programmer more than a 100 times, and especially to women with no technical understanding there's just no working analogy and after 15 minutes of back and forth we tend to settle at "computers and stuff" and I can use that settlement as a humorous thing - in other words, something positive. If you are remembered as the person that simply couldn't explain what the heck he's doing then that beats not being remembered, 10 out of 10 times. Just go for it.
People tend to like passionate people, show your passion but restrict yourself from the geeky way of presenting it. And take equal passion in understanding what they tell you, if someone talks about the fashion business you probably wouldn't understand a thing would you? ;)
Make a joke on your own behalf out of these things.
In general these tips sounded like a guide to lowering your social self esteem and how to not meet and get to know people. If that's your thing - stay home in the first place.
Rather talk to people, take interesting, share of yourself, don't hog a discussion though and let everyone have their talking turn. Be a good listener first and then talk, no one likes braggers indeed.
Learn to take an interesting in dead boring things that others find interesting, you might even be surprised just to watch how passionate someone will be over something so amazingly stupid. Remember to keep eye contact with people your talking to (not constantly though, most will be intimidated). Probably the best tip for looking interested is focusing on their nose, people cant tell the difference between that and true eye contact most of the time. (It will be easier for you, after all, these are things you have issues with probably).
I'm not saying I'm some expert, but I'm an overly social geek who loves people and knows a lot of them, and all of them know I'm a geek and i clearly say that I am as well. I've never gotten any disrespect for being a geek, although once in a while it will make women lose their interest as soon as they hear it - though not most of the time.
"In general these tips sounded like a guide to lowering your social self esteem and how to not meet and get to know people. If that's your thing - stay home in the first place."
sorry i didn't make it clear enough in the original article, but these 'tips' are for occasions where you're forced to be there in the first place (e.g., dragged there by significant other, family members, work colleagues, etc.), not for when you're voluntarily trying to go out and meet new friends (or prospective dates). maybe i should add in a bigger disclaimer up-front (i think i said it in the "Summary" box, though)
#4 - Indeed, before you say anything make sure you listen a lot, rather keep your mouth shut and get a view of what people are talking about and their stances. But, when you finally say something, make sure its never superficial but relevant and stuff that intrigue the others. Asking deep questions regarding something is the best way of showing an interest. If its too boring a conversation, listen for a while and move on - not your crowd.
#6 - Agreed, don't be too pedantic, but if that's your flaw no one will dislike you that much for it - and if they do, screw'em. I'm too pedantic, and some people hate it so i try to tone it down, but I believe in being yourself so it sometimes comes out either way.
#9 - Someone will ask of your job, and when you answer "IT" they will 90% of the time ask you to explain further, unless they already view you as completely uninteresting, at which point nothing matters really. I have tried to explain to some extent what i do as a programmer more than a 100 times, and especially to women with no technical understanding there's just no working analogy and after 15 minutes of back and forth we tend to settle at "computers and stuff" and I can use that settlement as a humorous thing - in other words, something positive. If you are remembered as the person that simply couldn't explain what the heck he's doing then that beats not being remembered, 10 out of 10 times. Just go for it. People tend to like passionate people, show your passion but restrict yourself from the geeky way of presenting it. And take equal passion in understanding what they tell you, if someone talks about the fashion business you probably wouldn't understand a thing would you? ;) Make a joke on your own behalf out of these things.
In general these tips sounded like a guide to lowering your social self esteem and how to not meet and get to know people. If that's your thing - stay home in the first place.
Rather talk to people, take interesting, share of yourself, don't hog a discussion though and let everyone have their talking turn. Be a good listener first and then talk, no one likes braggers indeed. Learn to take an interesting in dead boring things that others find interesting, you might even be surprised just to watch how passionate someone will be over something so amazingly stupid. Remember to keep eye contact with people your talking to (not constantly though, most will be intimidated). Probably the best tip for looking interested is focusing on their nose, people cant tell the difference between that and true eye contact most of the time. (It will be easier for you, after all, these are things you have issues with probably).
I'm not saying I'm some expert, but I'm an overly social geek who loves people and knows a lot of them, and all of them know I'm a geek and i clearly say that I am as well. I've never gotten any disrespect for being a geek, although once in a while it will make women lose their interest as soon as they hear it - though not most of the time.